简单英语笑话

o0坨坨0o

Much Worse

Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?
Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.
中文：
警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？
男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。

Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. AD:joozone_com
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”

He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
-- 墓地守墓人。

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you all to answer at once. How much is 6 plus 4?
Student: At once!
老师：全班同学听着，不管我问什么，你们都要马上回答。6+4等于几？
学生：马上。
Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him?  
Jack: Certainly.  
Tom: And why?  
Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me.  
汤姆：威廉向我借五英镑。我该不该借给他？  
杰克：当然应该了。  
汤姆：为什么？  
杰克：否则他就该跟我借了。

An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman:' How much this stuff?'  
'Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap.' The lady said, 'It is too much, give it to me for fourteen.' 'I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven.'  
'It is still too much,' replied the old lady, 'give it to me for five.'  
一位耳聋并且总是嫌东西太贵的老太太走进一家商店。  
她问店员：“这东西要多少钱？”  
“七美元，太太，这是很便宜的。” 老太太说：“太贵了，十四美元差不多。”  
店员忙说：“我没说十七美元，是七美元。”  
“还是太贵，”老太太说：“五美元，我就买啦。”

shakencity

She is the one who sells the candy.